It's that time of year again when the dreaded question is asked between couples….Your house? Or mine? The holiday season is when families come together to create shared meaning, explore communication styles, and foster lifelong memories and traditions that can be passed from generation to generation. Holiday time, for many individuals, can be a very stressful time. Have you ever heard of the holiday blues? Holiday time can be stressful for many individuals due to financial hardships and isolation from family members. Stressful or toxic family dynamics, Feeling lonely and unable to manage the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.
One of the main reasons for stress among couples during the holiday season is choosing whose family to spend the holidays with. According to the Palm Beach Post, A study was conducted that showed that at least 40% of couples reported arguing at least once during the holidays. The study also showed that 1 in 10 couples break up during the holiday season because of stressors.
So, how do you reduce arguments and choose whose family you're going to spend time with first, last, or on entirely separate days? Avoiding fights during the holiday can be as simple as being able to compromise.
Compromising during the holidays or at any time should be fair because both parties give and take and are pleased with the situation's outcome. Here are a few tips on compromising during the holidays.
Tips for Compromising During the Holidays
Tip 1: According to Dr. John and Julie Gottman, determine your and your partners' flexible and inflexible areas for the topic of concern. For example, what is more, important for your partner that is not as important for you and vice versa.
Tip 2: Communicate. Discuss each other's flexible and inflexible areas and why they are essential for each other regarding holiday traditions.
Ex) Questions such as :
1. What traditions are essential for your family
2. What is a tradition or family experience you would be upset about if you missed?
Tip 3: Common Goals. After determining your and your partner's flexible and inflexible areas, finding common goals that are fair for both parties is essential.
Examples:
1. How can the kids (if any) be part of both families' traditions
2. How can we make time to include both of our families?
3. Is it possible to create a new tradition that both of our families will be pleased with?
According to Psychology Today, taking turns can be a reasonable solution for compromise for partners. During the holidays, think how each of you can take turns so that you are both pleased with the outcome of the holidays
Example:
1. "Can we see my family on Christmas eve this year and your family and Christmas eve next year?."
2. "Can we visit your family this year and my family first on Christmas day next year?"
All in all, the holiday season can be stressful and tough to manage. With compromise, empathy, and understanding, the holiday season can become easier and easier to ensure that both you and your partner are satisfied with meeting the needs of friends and family.
From the infinite Therapeutic Services Family to yours, Happy Holidays!