How To Help A Child With a Fear of Sleeping Alone

Hello Parents! Have you ever witnessed your child become fearful of sleeping alone? Not sure what to do? Does bedtime feel like an emotional rollercoaster because your child is afraid of sleeping alone? We know how exhausting that can be. Most children go through faces of having fear of the dark, so you’re not alone!

In this post, you will gain an understanding of what’s going on behind your child’s fears of sleeping alone, provide the benefits of independent sleep, and get tips on what to do to help your child overcome those fears. These tips will help to build their confidence, while giving you both restful nights ahead.

What is really going on here?

1. Developmental Milestones: In this stage of development, your child is growing an awareness of the world and their attachment towards you, making it difficult at bedtime. Children go through their own understanding of separation and what that means to them, even if you are in a different bedroom. You have become their favorite person and a great attachment figure. This is a normal stage in development when growing up, but that does not take away from the fact that they still feel uneasy about being left alone.

2. Fear of the unknown: This is where a child’s imagination takes place, and they start to think about monsters under the bed, hearing creepy noises, or anything during the creativity stage of development. As their brain develops, the more these fears become real to them.

3. Need for connection: You have built a connection with them, and of course, that’s exactly how it should be. However, that deep connection can make bedtime a little bit harder since they are in need of that connection at times.

The Benefits of Independent Sleeping

Although nighttime separation anxiety is normal and expected, it does not mean that it is permanent. If you want your child to feel comfortable while sleeping alone, let’s look at the benefits.

1. It teaches self-soothing: With sleeping alone, kids develop self-soothing skills, which ultimately build resilience. When they learn to calm themselves down at night, they build confidence in other areas of their lives as well.

2. It helps them to feel secure in their own abilities: Remember self-confidence here. Instead of relying on you to ease their fears, this is where they realize that they can start to do things on their own, which builds their independence.

3. It gives you time to yourself and your marriage: Let us remember you for once. With them sleeping alone, it gives you time to unwind in peace, whether it is watching your favorite show, reading a book, or spending time with your partner. After that long day, I am sure you want a little time to yourself, if possible.

   
   

Tips on when your child is afraid to sleep alone

1. Validate their feelings: Rather than letting them know that there is nothing to be afraid of, see things from their perspective. Find out what scares them. Maybe they are afraid of the dark, or they recently saw a shadow. Whatever it is, offer some reassurance and empathy. Saying something like, “I know you feel scared right now, but I am nearby if you need me.” This validates their feelings and also gives them a sense of security. Also agree with them that their experience can be scary sometimes.

2. Ask questions to validate the fear: When you ask open ended questions, you can get an idea of what your child is thinking. Those emotions can feel scary and you want to be able to have them verbalize what is going on with them. Ask questions such as, “Why do you think you’re scared right now? What scary thing are you imagining? How can I help you? What will make this better?” As you listen to their responses without judgment, they are more likely to come to you in the future if they continue to feel fearful.

3. Empathize: If your child is feeling scared, they probably feel insecure as well. Instead of laughing, making fun of them, or getting angry with them, use a kind, soft approach that includes calmness and support while putting yourself in their shoes.

4. Go back to the basics: Find out what your child needs. Maybe your child has become fearful of the dark and may need a nightlight or the lights back on. Be in the room with them until they are able to fall asleep again. Be the support they need and allow them to feel comfortable.

5. Baby steps: Change doesn’t have to be right away but you can slowly build change in the smallest steps possible so that they won’t notice.

6. Work through the fear together: Teach your child how to deal with their emotions. Have them identify what the emotion is, provide empathy and come up with a plan together with fixing the problem.

7. Create a mantra: Have them practice a mantra to give them confidence and courage such as “I am brave” or “I am safe.”Using positive language can help to influence their perception.

8. Deep breathing techniques: Allow your child to consciously relax when they feel afraid. Show them how to be calm and practice breathing exercises together.

9. Create a safe, predictable bedtime routine: Consistency is key! If your child knows what to expect, it gives them an idea of what the bedtime routine looks like daily. The more they know, the less anxious they become, which allows them to be less fearful of sleeping alone.

10. Reassure them without reinforcing fear: Provide comfort to your child. Allow them to feed off your confidence, too, by recognizing that they can sleep by themselves and nothing will happen. Once you are confident, they are confident too.

    
    

11. Create a comfortable sleep environment for them: Whether it is ensuring that the room is comfortable for them or providing items that would give them comfort, such as a stuffed animal, a favorite blanket, or comfortable pillows. 

12. Seek professional help if needed: If the fears become persistent, consider seeking the help of a counselor or therapist. It can be helpful to help children manage their anxiety.

It is normal for children to feel scared when sleeping alone, but there are many ways to help them feel more secure. Follow those tips and recognize that it not only benefits them, but it benefits you as parents too. Imagine your child climbing into bed with such confidence, feeling at peace and secure. It can happen! Giving you time to relax, too, to take on the next day. If this is what you need, let us work through those fears! Just remember, it is not permanent.

For more tips, please check out our other tips here https://www.plantationcounseling.com/blog. You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services.