Is Father's Day Less Of A Big Deal Than Mother's Day?
Updated: Aug 29, 2019
Father’s day is around the corner and the advertisements are coming out reminding us to get something for the dads. Yes! Dads deserve to be celebrated during their special day for all that they do for our children. After all, they have a vital role in their lives. But did you know that there are less marketing and actual spending for father’s day than mother’s day?
Everywhere you look around, there are blogs, articles, and books that talk about the mother-child relationship. There are even mommy & me classes. Have you ever heard of daddy & me classes? Not so much….. Why is this?
Many would attribute this by saying that the role of a father is very different from a mother’s. Yes, they cannot nurse, or deliver them…. We are physiologically different; that’s a fact. This begs the question, what are men’s responsibilities in the role of fatherhood?
I grew up in a traditional household, where my father worked and my mother was a stay-at-home mother. Without a doubt, my mother took on the primary responsibility of me and my brother. She went to every single school function, checked every single one of my homework assignments, took me to the doctor, and prepared home-made meals every day. My dad even told me once: “I was able to focus on my career because I knew that your mother had everything under control in the house and with you guys.” My father took the primary role of provider.
Now, as an adult, my husband and I both work and care for our daughter pretty evenly. This is a decision that we made together. There are times my husband travels and days that I work late in the evenings. We both cook and care for our daughter. We share the role of provider and caregiver evenly.
Which option is better? It really boils down to preference or need. Sometimes parents prefer for mom to take on the primary role of caregiver, and other times, it is a conscious decision to have both parents share evenly the caregiving responsibilities. On some occasions, financial situations dictate this decision, such as times when daycare costs would cost almost the same or more as the mom’s income. More commonly now, men are staying home with the children for this same reason.
But even when moms take the primary role of the caregiver, is it because dads can’t do it?
Physiologically men can do everything but deliver and nurse a baby. They can feed, play, teach, take them to fun places, and more…. Then how is it that there is less emphasis on Father’s Day than Mother’s Day? Is it because men are perceived to be just providers of a family? Is it because women are easier to shop for?
I really don’t know the answer to this… But I cannot help and wonder if less advertising and spending on father’s day is a demonstration that the relationship of daddies and their children is under-appreciated in our society.
Whether a provider role, a shared provider and caregiver role, or a primary caregiver role, all dads have one very significant common role to their children: The relationship of your children with their father will shape their understanding of future relationships with men. For a boy, the relationship with his father will inform his perception of the male gender, such as his role as a man, a spouse, a friend to other men, and a father. For a girl, her relationship with her father will inform her perception of men as friends and as a significant other.
If you ask me, this is a pretty big deal because children need to have a positive relationship with both the male and female gender to thrive in adulthood.
So on this father’s day, let’s celebrate dad’s big. Here are some tips:
Build a Father’s Day tradition. Traditions are a fun way to memorialize a family activity or value. Building a Father’s Day tradition can send the message to your children that dad’s role is important. Here’s an example: Have your child write about a special time he shared with his father and get dad to do the same. The writings can be shared during a meal time, and they can be keepsakes to be read in the future. This can be a perfect memory to film.
Spend time together doing something that dad enjoys. Some examples can be barbecuing, golfing, playing catch, go fishing, doing a puzzle…. Or it might be a great opportunity to do something new. What’s most important is to stay away from screens, so avoid the television, tablets, and phones on this special day.
To plan or not to plan. Some dads are planners and like to have a special day planned out, and some like to have no plans. Go with what you know the daddy prefers.
Mommies make daddies feel special. Father’s day is a day to also celebrate your spouse as your partner in life and for having children together. Find a way to make your spouse feel special and appreciated for his role as a father.
Include all the fathers in your family. Get all the daddies, grandfathers, and step-fathers together, after all, each generation taught the next how to be a dad and need to be celebrated as well.
Celebrations give us an excuse to have fun, create memories and show appreciation. Celebrate all the dads in your life this coming Father’s Day.
For all the daddies out there, Happy Father’s Day!
Your Therapy Friend,
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining. Read more about her at: www.infinitetherapeuticservices.com and follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/infinitetherapy/