My Relationship Is on Fire! What Do I Do?

When your relationship feels like it’s on fire, full of arguments, tension, or emotional chaos, it can seem like everything you’ve built is turning to ashes. You may be asking yourself, “What happened to us?” or “Can we even fix this?”

Before rushing to fix things or make big decisions, pause and care for yourself. You can't heal a relationship while running on empty. Self-care brings clarity and strength.

In this blog, we’ll explore how to:

• Take care of yourself during relationship chaos

• Self-soothe when emotions feel overwhelming

• Manage your triggers so you can respond, not react

  
  

Tips on How to Manage When Relationship that is not Doing Well

1. Take Care of Yourself First

In crisis, it's easy to lose yourself. You may try to fix your partner, overthink, or sacrifice your needs to keep the peace. Remember, you deserve care—it's essential for you to support others.

• Reconnect with Your Body - Your body can feel stress before your mind catches up. Practice body scanning to notice where you hold tension. Check areas such as your shoulders, chest, or stomach. What do you do next? Release the tension with movement: take a walk, stretch, or dance to your favorite song. These small actions can remind your body that you are safe and grounded.

• Create Boundaries - If every conversation in your relationships feels as if it  turns into conflict, it’s okay to take a step back. Take a break. You might say, “I need a little time to cool off before we talk about this. Or can you give me 1 hour, and then we can try again with the conversation?”

  Please remember that boundaries are not barriers! They are a tool to protect your peace and help you engage with more clarity.

• Stay Health - Continuing to focus on health and wellness is also important for taking care of yourself. Eating healthy meals, hydration, getting adequate sleep, and exercise are all ways to take care of your body. Taking care of your body allows your emotions to become easier to regulate.

• Seek Social Support - You don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, mentor, or therapist. Expressing feelings and emotions verbally can help you process and find different perspectives that you were not thinking about before.

  
  

2. Practice Self-Soothing

When your emotions run high, your nervous system reacts as if it’s in danger. Self-soothing can help you bring yourself back to a state of safety without relying on anyone else to help calm you down. Learning how to self soothe can also assist you in your relationship as well to reduce conflict.

• Create Comfort Rituals - Find small rituals that make you feel safe and cared for, such as lighting a candle, journaling, making tea, or sitting under a warm blanket. These gentle moments can help regulate your feelings and emotions.

• Be Kind to Yourself - Replace negative self-talk with compassion. Instead of, “I’m so stupid for letting this happen,” try, “I’m doing my best with what I know right now.” Kindness toward yourself is one of the strongest forms of emotional resilience and care.

  
  

3.  Identify Your Triggers

Notice patterns and when you feel most reactive or defensive. Write them down to help you connect the dots and prepare for any triggers that may arise in the future.

• Manage Your Triggers - Triggers are emotional reactions that come from past pain. Maybe your partner’s tone reminds you of a past hurt, or a simple disagreement feels like rejection. Recognizing triggers allows you to respond with awareness rather than react from old wounds.

• Name Your Feelings - Instead of blaming your partner by saying, “You make me so angry!” Utilize “I Statements and share, “I feel hurt when this happens.” Naming your emotions helps transform conflict into conversation and eliminates the “Blame Game.”

• Separate the Past from the Present - Ask yourself, “Is this reaction about what’s happening right now, or is it reminding me of something from before?” This reflection helps you respond from clarity instead of pain.

  
  

4. Reassess from a Place of Calm

Once you’ve centered yourself, it’s time to honestly assess the relationship. When you’re no longer reacting to pain, you can see things more clearly.

If finding a way to put out the fire in the relationship is not working and taking a toll, considering couples counseling may be helpful.

For more resources like this, please check out our other tips here. You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services.

Infinite Therapeutic Services |Couples & Marriage Counseling | Plantation, Florida

Helping couples reconnect, rebuild trust, and create lasting love through compassionate, evidence-based therapy.

📍www.infinitetherapeuticservices.com