Your new baby has arrived home and with him, all kinds of new responsibilities, chores, and a new routine will be taken in place from now on mixed with cuddles and giggles, and you will be witnessing his development every day right before your eyes. That will be astonishing! On the other hand, you are probably feeling tired, sleepy and may even be experiencing mood swings—which is normal, while your partner is ready to lit the fire in the bedroom again and maybe you are not. That’s a major concern for most moms.
OMG, WHERE DID THE PASSION GO?
There are so many changes that take place after birth, physically, emotionally, and anyone can even say spiritually.
Your Ob-Gyn recommended you to wait a certain period of time before having sex again so your body can go through the recovery process. This is for all the changes that happened through the delivery that needs healing. There is more on the physical changes though… The physical aftermath of pregnancy like the extra weight, bigger breasts, baby belly, hair loss, stretch marks, new shoe size – oh yes, it happens - in combination with low estrogen levels are the cause of your sex drive to drop. This drop usually lasts six to eight weeks.
Now, on the emotional side of the story, taking care of a newborn is a stressful situation especially for first timers; I know that because I’ve been there, too. You may be feeling blue, frustrated, anxious, and even over-protective: a combination of so many feelings!!
It is common for our partner to get anxious to recover your sex life but you may be wondering where the passion went because you don’t feel the same way as he does. Blame it on the libido, which is going down like a waterfall. After having a baby, it might be difficult to reconnect intimately with your significant other since motherhood is extremely demanding physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
REKINDLING THE PASSION AFTER HAVING A BABY
It’s not a secret that after having a baby, working out and eating healthy is the way to lose those extra pregnancy pounds, but not everything is “physical”. Confidence and libido increase comes not only when you get to flatten things out but when you get to express your desires openly. Let me give you some tips to start working on getting your sexy back.
TIPS FOR REKINDLING THE PASSION AFTER HAVING A BABY
Be affectionate: Share your affection with your hubby and appreciate when he gives you a hug, a kiss, or wants to cuddle. Starting with non-sexual affection is very important because it will release oxytocin, which is the hormone that increases feelings of love toward your partner. The evolution of intimacy that can lead to sex. Write it down!!
Ask for help with the baby: Involve your husband with the care of the baby, not only to get a break but also to learn to love your spouse as a father as well. It will also give insight for your spouse on the demands of caring for a newborn.
Take care of yourself physically: Try to make some time to go to the gym, if you can’t then workout at home. Remember to eat healthy foods, too. Self- care is very important for success in marriage. Self-care is about working out and much more, so more advice here: Why Self-Care is Important in Marriage.
Take care of your emotions: Focus on the positive, get inspiration from other moms you admire, whenever you feel overwhelmed ask for help, talk about your worries and feelings with someone you trust.
Don’t forget about being social: At least once a week, try to make plans with a friend or go on a night date with your hubby. Connecting with other people help honor who you are outside of parenthood, creating some balance in your life.
Don’t wait until nighttime to have sex: You are probably physically and emotionally drained at the end of the day! Take advantage of your baby’s napping time instead.
Be open when talking to your spouse: Be honest and tell your partner what your needs are. If you don’t feel ready to have sex, it’s perfectly fine. Let him know that this is not about a lack of love.If you find yourself experiencing the baby blues longer than 3 weeks after birth, in combination with of low sex drive past 6-8 weeks, consider finding out if you have symptoms of postpartum depression. Here is information on this topic: Signs of Postpartum Disorders and reach out to a professional to confirm and get help.
Here, I’d like to share with you a video interview about sex in marriage after having a baby with Michelle Brown, founder of ihelpmoms.com. I had so much fun talking with her about this. Check it out!
This is a wonderful time you are living. Enjoy motherhood every single day while still honoring yourself as a woman and wife. Remember, your hubby is a parent too, so try to share as many activities around the baby as possible and enjoy having his support and company.
More important than sex is intimacy -non-sexual affection, communication, quality time, etc. are keys, especially at the beginning until you and your partner adjust to the fact that there’s a new member of the family under your roof. Sex will come along as a natural process for most of us.
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To your success!
Your Therapy Friend,
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining. Read more about her at: www.infinitetherapeuticservices.com and follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/infinitetherapy/