Married & Dating: The Secret To A Strong Relationship
Updated: Aug 29, 2019
I am a therapist, I’m a wife, I’m a mother, & I’m a planner. I like to check in and think about the things that I have done during the week to understand where my time is going. Last night, I was sitting on the kitchen table with my husband, after my daughter went to sleep and we both had a little work to do before relaxing for the rest of the evening for the third night in a row. Juggling a household, work, a child, the dogs, and everything in between, leaves so little time in the day to connect with your spouse….So at this time of the night, I thought: “We need to go on a date night.”
As a marriage counselor, I encounter many couples who hit roadblocks. After all, there is no shortage of “relationship wedges” which can cause two people who are very much in love to accidentally let a little distance get between them: Building careers, raising children, financial burdens, or just life in general. Sometimes we can get complacent and stop looking for fun things to do together. After all, he is already your husband, right? Remember when you were dating? How frequently did you use to go out on dates, or have “in-home dates.” I would dare to say at least 3 times a week. And then somehow time goes by, and the frequency decreases or sometimes stops happening altogether.
Other couples experience having no time to have date nights, especially after having children. Yes, children do drain most of your energy. They are energy vampires! (LOL). But what’s the meaning of dating your husband or wife even after getting married? Well, each relationship that we have needs nurturing. Just like your body needs food and water to survive, relationships need attention to thrive.
Date nights are one very powerful form of “nutrition” to your relationship. But why is this?
Well, firstly, you are thinking about your spouse when you are planning the date. You are thinking of something that can be fun to share with him. Simply thinking of what could be fun to do together can create a powerful connection in the relationship. Date nights create memories. Each time you do something together it can create an invaluable experience and something that becomes a topic of conversation for future dates. There are great resources out there to figure out all sorts of different dates. Just google “ideas for a date night” and check out for specials in sites like livingsocial.com or groupon.com for ideas on things to do other than a movie and dinner date.
Date nights are an excuse to dress up and disconnect from the day to day activities. Wasn't this the nicest part of going on dates before getting married? It wasn't about work, finances, or the kids. It was about wowing the other person and making them feel like they are the only person that matters. So go ahead, and if you are a planner like me, block some time for date nights. However frequently you can commit to, and whether it has to be home or out of the home, make sure to date your spouse for a long-lived relationship! Just keep in mind to:
Make sure it’s regular in your schedule
Make it something fun for both of you
Make sure your spouse feels like he or she is #1 in your world!
My husband and I tend to go on dates once or twice a month, depending on what’s going on, and if we could go every week we would probably do that! The road to making this a habit after the birth of our daughter has not been easy… but it is high on the priority list. Tonight, it’s movie night for us.
To the success of your relationship!
Your Therapy Friend
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining. Read more about her at: www.infinitetherapeuticservices.com and follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/infinitetherapy/